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Dog #2 watches Codename Dance … and she LOVES it!!
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If you know anything about Dog #2 – you know she LOVES to watch TV, Movies, Skype etc. I think she was a film critic in another life. 
Oh and I forgot to mention that I told Homeslice that I thought it would be best if we were no longer friends. I realize how that sounds (betch!!) but I assure you that I did it calmly and it was not an impulsive emotional decision (wait whaa??). I wasn’t angry, sad, hurt etc. when I told him. I think very highly of Homeslice (even though I call him a double douche jerkturd). HAHA! As strange as it sounds (weirdo!) I can look at Homeslice and see everything wonderful that he did for me and COMPLETELY appreciate it and also feel like he was a bit of a douche to me in some areas. NOBODY’S PERFECT!!! I wasn’t a spoonful of sugar to him all of the time either! (ooooh – a bitter betch!)
Homeslice is in the middle of a fierce battle between his heart/values and his current actions. And until he lines those up – I’m not sure I can trust him. I won’t go into specifics but imagine you have a friend who convinced you she was ProChoice. 100% straight up. And then you find out that she’s been going to ProLife Rallies. Well – people can change their minds – that’s totally fine. But what if this wasn’t a “change of heart”? What if she kept actively participating in ProLife Rallies but continued to swear to you that in her heart she was ProChoice?
Homeslice and I have never even discussed ProAnything but I think it is the perfect example. He needs to get his actions in line with his heart or admit that his heart has changed. I don’t care which – truly. But I’ve dated too many men who lacked integrity of thought and action that even though we’re not dating, it’s still acts as a “trigger” to me.
And back to the title of this post? 
Here is the song Codename was dancing to: Barbra Steisand by Duck Sauce
Our Spot – better than a spa
I’d take a day at this park over a day at the spa – every time. Look at that view!!
Not to mention Dog #1 and Dog #2 think this place is … hmm. I don’t even know if I can come up with the right string of words. Imagine a bunch of exciting and awesome exclamations – put them together and Voila! you know what Dog #1 and #2 think about this park.
We (more like ME) might arrive at the park with a lot on our (more like my) minds but as soon as we get on the field everything is forgotten.
Want to procrastinate? I have THE BEST THING FOR YOU!
I was TOTALLY going to write a blog today about how it seems I’m ALWAYS eating my words. And you know what? THEY DON’T TASTE GOOD!
But THEN Anonymous (which has to be the absolute WORST blog name ever and so I’m going to change it to Robin Hood) showed me this wicked cool, awesome to infinity, angels singing AHHHH!!!!!-mazing site:
http://www.incredibox.com/en/#/application
(don’t forget to like them on FB! https://www.facebook.com/incredibox.official)
I wasted a LOT of time playing on this website. No. Strike that!! I wasted a LOT of time playing on this website. It wasn’t a waste. it was be pure fun. *HUGE SMILE*
PURE FUN!
Which is more than I can say for Homeslice, about whom I SAID had a heart bigger than his deep rooted inner douche but then *cough* *GAG* *gasp* *omgosh I can’t breathe* yeah – that’s what happened. I choked on my words over the weekend. I’m surprised I lived to tell about it. THANKFULLY I have good helping dose of dignity and it gave me the Heimlich Maneuver.
BUT it was a close call.
Until the next post,
~K. Pete
Riverside by Agnes Obel – haunting, captivating… oh and Homeslice helped
I talked to Homeslice today. His call was perfect timing. So much on my mind – TOO much on my mind. He keeps accidentally rescuing me.
He gets me. He sees the way I work. He can follow my trains of thought and he knows where I’ll go with them, mostly. This would be great and fantastic and all but you’re not supposed to stay friends with former teammates – ESPECIALLY ones with bipolar baseball disorder!! BUT his heart appears to be bigger than the DOUCHE rooted deep in his psyche, so I’ve decided to accept and acknowledge he’s a douche, straight up jerkturd. HOWEVER he is a VERY good friend. In fact he’s pretty much my best friend – so as a bestie he will remain.
Tonight he accidentally helped me by suggesting, in absolute outrageousness, that I give up my dogs. And no he wasn’t joking.
I gasped in shock – I couldn’t help it. WTF was he thinking?
These girls are my life! And I quite frankly owe them my life. I thought I was rescuing THEM but learned quickly it was them who rescued me.
PLUS I love them so much I gave up my pride just so that we could stay together. Yes – that’s right. I moved HOME because although I can afford to live on my own – I can’t afford to live in a place where they would have a nice yard and be comfortable. I wouldn’t trust roommates with my dogs and they are just too big for apartment living. :-/
I got choked up (something I VERY rarely do) as I was telling Homeslice giving up my dogs was NOT an option. I made a commitment when I adopted these girls that I would take care of them for as long as they live.
Sure, they COULD be “happy” anywhere but NO ONE can ever take my place in their hearts. They love lots of people – but they are bonded to me. And even though I lived away from them for almost 2 years and they were loved, adored, and cared for while I was gone – they never latched onto their new caretakers the way they did and still DO to me.
And that’s when I realized/remembered that even if I feel like I am a little lost, struggling to find purpose, can’t find my direction and even if I feel hopeless. I DO have a reason to keep on kicking. If it is not a possibility in my mind to give them up because NO ONE will be as good for them as I am – how could I possibly force them to give ME up? How could I do something which would cause them to lose me?
I’ve had a tougher life than I like to admit. Sometimes the idea of living even just to senior citizen status scares me. It just feels like more than I want to bear! And I don’t see a point. However, if I set aside “forever” and just focus on sticking around for a few more years (while they grow to old age), THAT I can manage. THAT isn’t intimidating. It’s just a few years. Time flies. And who knows – maybe in a few years I’ll have a new outlook on life.
BIG! no, moderately, ok, maybe only semi important decision made today
Two days in a row? WHOA!!! Am I out of my mind?
Yes. Probably.
Or at least it would seem so based on the pretty big decision I made today. a CRAZY decision. One of ALMOST mind blowing proportions. As in, it would blow your mind if your mind was kinda weak and surprising thoughts were like human size grenades. It’d be like “omgosh that is so surprisi”**BBBBOOOOOOOOM**** your mind just blew up.
And someone should clean that up STAT (obviously YOU can’t because your mind is gone) because Dog #1 might accidentally run through it, splattering vomit ON THE WALL – siiiiiick. yes ok fine – I admit it! We WERE talking about your blown up mind but I digressed and ended up telling you what was waiting for me at home tonight, chunks (ok maybe not CHUNKS but definitely “a lil bit”) of vomit splattered on my wall.
yum. Thanks Dog#1!
Ok so back to my MIND BLOWING, vomit splattering, DECISION!! *Smiley Face* I was walking through Target and I found myself wondering what it would be like to fill an entire journal. You know – to like FINISH something. To be consistent for that many pages!!! Yikes! What would it feel like to have an ENTIRE book filled with my thoughts, and like, FEELINGS? A book that covered one whole season (or partial season) of my life? like in ADDITION to this blog where I store my private and very secret thoughts for the whole wide interweb to see.
Well – I decided to find out! FUN!!! Soon enough I will know EXACTLY what all that jay jazzy YAY up above feels like. Because I purchased a journal – please see below for picture proof.
My, my. What great eyes you have! And what great powers of observation you possess!! But seriously, so what if it was the smallest, thinnest (*extremely* thin) journal I could find? At least it’s a journal! *smile* And at least I’m going to write in it! Wahoo!!
Pic of the day – rockin the 3D glasses. I really need a blog name for him – but I haven’t found the right one. For NOW you can just remember/know him as the guy I said was radical.
We saw Hugo in 3D – I LOVE LOVE LOOOOVVVEEEED it!! We went into the movie not knowing anything about it and came out very impressed! I fell in love with the characters, loved how many little love stories were going on whilst the main story was being told, was impressed with the cinematography, appreciated the moral of the story and would totally watch it again!!
Homeslice turns K. Pete into a Grumpster
I keep telling myself I’m going to start blogging again. like for REALZ blogging. like do it on a regular basis like I used to blogging. And then I think about all of the back story, the new people, the __fill in the blank with whatever word delights you__, and it OVERWHELMS ME! AH! where do I begin?
So I’m just going to start with today, right now, this moment. I’m here (you don’t say…) and although I still have all of the YAY HAPPY PEPPY RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES AND TWINKLY WHITE LIGHTS STRUNG IN PRETTY BLOOMING TREES in me – I ALSO have, at least in this particular moment, a grumpster inside.
OOOH K.Pete!! What’s a grumpster? asks the wild looking child who probably should be named Chin or Inch (INner CHild) but who is ACTUALLY called, at least for now, InchChin.
Oh my good gracious sweet heavenly angels. We need a better picture of InchChin because THAT is not a good one.
ANYWAY Good question InchChin. *teacher-ish smile* A grumpster is a mix between a plain old grump and a grump who likes to make up cool words LIKE “grumpster”, which could be a cross between hipster and grump OR dumpster and grump – either would apply to me *wink wink* but, at least in this post, it’s probably the latter because dumpsters hold trash and the grumps talk trash and I’m packing some trash talking baggage around. (oh and it’s FUN to say) *BRILLIANT!*
So where were we? Oh yes. My dichotomy. Let’s not focus on that too much, let’s just accept it and get down to the nitty gritty. This might have been (which means it WAS) the theme of my day today: “I know we’re not dating but whenever I see someone else flirting with you, I want to shoot them in the face.”
*SHOCKED LOOK*
Welllllllllll what can I say? A guy I didn’t think I was dating but who I was diggin’ on a little and who I was playing baseball with EXPRESSLY told me that we WERE indeed dating. Wait – whaaa???? the week before that he said we were JUST FRIENDS W/BENEFI*cough*playing baseball. But now we’re DATING?? His bipolar baseball disorder sent my head spinning, spinning, spinn – BAM! GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? you’ll never guess.
He was like “haha – it was OPPOSITE DAY when I said we were dating so let’s stop playing baseball and just be friends.” HAHA! Nice hit Homeslice!! You just scored a DOUBLE DOUCHE.
*and don’t judge, judge-y pants – it’s not what you think cuz I live in MoMo land and around HERE wearing a tube top is almost like wearing a scarlet letter so playing baseball is probably not what you think*
ANYWAY- Homeslice invited Coach (a girlfriend of mine) and ME! to a lil weekend MoMoHo weekend party getaway but because of a lot of OTHER back story that we’re skipping I wasn’t feeling the weekend getaway.
And when he asked me TODAY if I was going to go I was like, “Umm no”. and I couldn’t figure out why he was trying to convince me to go. Cuz like seriously? did he think I would take great satisfaction in watching him flirt with other girls or maybe he thought I’d consider myself oh so fortunate to be eye candy – omgosh…
That’s when it occurred to me – HE WANTED COACH AND ME AS MOMOHO STRIPPERS! (which means NOT STRIPPERS AT ALL but just two hot girls who are a lil crazy and as such provide entertainment and make it more fun for the guys there.) SICK! GAG! Homeslice you’re a DOUCHE! Especially because when I called you out on it you didn’t deny it. *extra evil glare*
Well Homeslice – THIS JUST IN! Coach said to tell you that we’d reconsider if you want to pay us an hourly rate.
Here’s my pic of the day:
That’s Codename and ME. We’re grabbing a little food-age. I cheated and ate gluten-full FRENCH TOAST STICKS and the rest of the day I envisioned the damage they were doing to my trying to get ready for bikini season body. Eh – whatevs.
In other news, last night I hung out with a really cool guy that I thought for SURE wouldn’t want to hang out with me again after he got a lil dose of k.pete ideology … but he did – so we did! AAAANNNDDDD we went on a hike/walk with my dogs which makes him radical.
Until the next post…
~K. Pete
Bringing it Home: Hot showers aren’t that effective … or ARE they??
Queue the drama.
Do you ever wonder if the stuff you see in movies actually works? Like taking a long piping hot shower, where steam practically chokes you, to wash away the memories of the day? Well… I bet you could NEVER ever in a bajillion years guess what I am about to say.
I TRIED IT! and it kinda works!! You see, when the water is burning your skin you stop thinking about anything except, ‘AH!!! WHAT THE HECK? HOT! HOT! HOT! ” and then you turn down the heat because bright pink skin is NOT really an attractive look.
And while you’re finishing your hot, but not burning, shower, you wonder if there are other movie cliches you could try, in fact, maybe you should just do your own dramatic movie cliche mythbusting blog series. Wouldn’t that be great!? But as you’re brainstorming more dramatic movie cliches you worry this conversation you are having with yourself could be considered alarming and you reflect on what this says about the state of your life (7734) and THEN omgosh this is a really really long sentence *deep breath!* THAT’S when you realize that you haven’t thought about Queen Douche who would be the King of Douches but in the Land of Douchebaggery being king is kinda what they’re going for so Queen it is, AT ALL!! except for the fact that thinking about NOT thinking about him kind of qualifies AS thinking about him – but again – why are you even thinking about this? Turn up the heat again. “HOT! HOT! HOT!”
YAY!
Maybe there really IS something to these cliches. ;)
Hmm. Final Conclusion? I get bored really easily and if mythbusting cliches is even mildly entertaining – I might as well do it. I can’t WAIT to come up with my next one.
Jerkturd. I know you are but what am I?
Papa Pete regularly asks for numbers. “What are the rankings today K.?” Despite this becoming a regular question, I still usually look a little dumbfounded at first. Rankings? For what? For my life? Well that’s standing pretty steady at 7734. And if you don’t know what that means – go type it into an old school calculator, flip that calculator upside down and see what you get.
It’s MAGIC!!
OOOHHH!!! Silly me. Papa Pete wasn’t talking about magical calculator tricks. He was talking about VIP Cootie Cardholders.
Say wha?!? Oh come on – you didn’t *actually* think I’d be rollin’ (in the deep) with just any guy with cooties, did you? HAHAHA! That deserves a congratulatory slap on the back! Please give yourself one from me because THAT was funny!! Only certified VIP Cootie *cardholders* for ME baby!! HA!
Roll big or roll on home is what I always used to say (and by that I mean I said it once and just now realized I should NEVER say it again.)
AAANNNYYYWAAAYYYY I’m jumping the gun (CHEATER!!) and giving Papa Pete the rankings before he even has a chance to ask.
He ranks in at a solid 2 today. And I don’t mean 2 as in second place. I mean he ranks # (which right now means number not hashtag) 2. Like as in A #2. OOORRRR as the Dr. who traumatized me when I was 8 by asking about my #2 poo poos were – I mean he ranks at 2 as in #2.
poo poo.
“Do you go #2 poo poo?“ The Dr. asked me.
I stare at him, speechless. and think, “doesn’t everyone?”
“Do you know what #2 is?”
“Yes.”
“#2 is not pee pee. It’s poo poo.”
Me: still staring. still speechless. Now super embarrassed and uncomfortable. I had JUST said “yes”!!!!
“So do you? Do you go #2 poo poo?”
“Yes.” *squirm*
“Do you need to go #2 poo poo right now?”
“No.”
“How often do you go #2 poo poo? Do you #2 poo poo every day? It is very important to #2 poo poo every day. We might need a #2 poo poo sample.”
Now I’m terrified. He said WHAT??
He keeps going, ”Do you think you could try and go now? Maybe if you just go sit on the potty you’ll be able to #2 poo poo and we can get a little sample to do some tests.”
I’m close to tears. What kind of Dr. is this??!?!?! He wants to look at my poo?
SOOOOooo now that I’ve shared what made it so that I NEVER wanted to go to the Dr. about a tummy ache again – EVER… let’s move on to my new word of the day. (which I just invented IN MY MIND – right now.)
Jerkturd
oh yes. It’s PERFECT!
~K. Pete
Counting to 100 – it didn’t work. I’m still nazty
When you’re angry or bugged or annoyed – take a DEEP breath and count to one hundred. Except don’t hold your breath for one hundred counts! That’s ridikalusss. Also, if you don’t want to be a hypocrite, you should follow your own advice.
oh dang.
I’ll be back in 100 MILLION COUNTS because I might be 100 THOUSAND bugged right now. You see what I did there? It’s called #math. AAANNNNDDDD I can already tell this blog is going south of the border all the way to the Antarctica marathon that is about to go down and that I considered doing with my Australian friends for about 10 seconds before I remembered I don’t like to run, think this blog “Stuff White People Like #27 Marathons” is super funny and dated 3 of the people going. AWKWARD. 
Do you see what I did THERE? I took it exactly where I said I would. hahahaha.
Dear complainers and haters and people who have nothing to do but spread negativity – you know YOU! the one telling ME I couldn’t POSSIBLY understand having hardship *because* I’m attractive and fun. Umm – excuse me? In what world is it appropriate to say something like that? Oh that’s right – silly me. I forgot that being attractive or CHOOSING to be fun is a free pass to a world of sunshine and rainbows and pet unicorns with secret love spell charms. HAHAHAHA! Silly me. How could I have forgotten THAT.
Ok but for reallllzzzz???? You and people like you ought to just shove a sock in it until you choke. OORRR just STFU. F meaning Flapdoodle, a word I just learned. yay! Learning is AHHHH! (wait for it) SOME!
AGH!!!! Kill me now!!
No wait – why me? Let’s kill the debiie downer freddy frowners of the world – that sounds like FUN! YAY! Happy Days! Hip Hip Hooray! aaannnddd Ok. so maybe I haven’t done that 100 Million counts yet.
Imma gun take a qwik shawr n brb.
I’m back. BBBUUUTTT I still feel like ninja-ing faces off, round house kicking kidneys and POW-ing knee caps so maybe that advice at the beginning was bogus. :-/ imagine that.
OH! actually
DO!
DO!
Please DO imagine me being a C-list action movie star!! I think that would be SO FUN!!! Ka-BOOM!
AAANNNYYYWAAAYYY I’ll just close by saying that I want to be a ninja SO BAD that I’m starting with words. Aaannnddd I WAS going to close by saying that if being single (*cough CRYBABY cough*) is TRULY the worst thing that ever happened to you? Consider yourself lucky. HOWEVER upon further contemplation I’ve realized that YOU suck and so being forever alone with YOU, YOURSELF and YOU might be worse than the she-ot that gave me PTSD so I guess you got what you deserve.
~K. Pete