Category Archives: Petals

Stress Kills, Fight Back: Distract Yourself with Mad Skillz

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SOMETIMES – after I’ve just downloaded some GREAT music (“We found love“, “Mr. Saxobeat“, “Good Feeling“, and the new David Guetta Album, which btw – the we found love music video is depressing so I just linked the audio) – and I’ve been dancing around in my room to my new music – and I’m about to write a blog – I get this crazy urge to like do a BlaVlaLog.  Which in MY head is the equivalent of my being able to TYPE the way I’d SAY something so that you could alll benefit from the FULL… umm… welll… the full YAY!! that is in my head right now. YAY!  :) SMILE!

But since I don’t really want to VLOG and BlaVlaLogging is something I made up (in my head) let’s just all be aware that everything I’m writing tonight should be read LIKE it’s pepped up on caffeine but it ISN’T because this high?  It’s au naturale.

hahahaha.  I smile every time I see that picture.  That’s Duchess, my dog.  She pretty much loves the park. SPEAKING OF WHICH!!  The PARK is a GREAT distraction from dwelling on stuff you can’t change.

So is looking at that picture.  In fact, maybe you should look at it again.

K cool – we have that settled now.  Let’s dive right back into Distraction Techniques.

No – wait. Let’s do a quick recap.  WHY are we talking about this?  Because sometimes we get overwhelmed with stress and when THAT happens?  We usually cope with stress by using self-defeating behaviors.  Blog One was Common but Self-Defeating Stress Coping Mechanisms.  Then we discussed Radical Acceptance in Blog Two and explained that the FIRST tool in fighting stress is acceptance.  Once we get the gist of acceptance we can start distracting – which brings us to today.  MAD DISTRACTION SKILLZ.  YAY!

Mad Distraction Skillz #1 – Stop being self-centered! ;)

I don’t know that much needs to be said about this one.  If you serve others and put others first – you won’t have time to dwell on your own stress.  It is kinda that simple.  BUT let’s delve a little deeper.

  • Do Service
  • People Watch  (observe as many details as possible so you have no time to think of anything else.  AND if you’re like my brother … you might sneak a camera phone pic of some fashion faux pas awesomeness and send it to a friend – you’ll both laugh and hopefully feel a little guilty for being kind of mean – but still laugh.)  Or you could be like the people of “People of Walmart” and take pics like the one below.  Aaaannnnddddd Please Bless I don’t go to Hades for posting this. YAY!
  • Go on a quest to take a GREAT picture of a Fanny Pack!!!  Double points if you get TWO fanny packs in one pic and TRIPLE points if you manage to get YOURSELF in the pic with a fanny pack.  OH!!!! And one billion ga-jallion points if you email the picture to moi.  :) :) :)
(please extra please bless I don’t get sent to H.E.double hockey sticks for these.)
  • Think of someone you care about.
  • Keep pictures of people you care about around where you can see them and then LOOK at them when you’re SpIraLinG.

Mad Distraction Skillz #2 – Change your thoughts!!

This one is SOOOOoooooOOOO much easier said than done.  But being AWARE of your thoughts and AWARE that you CAN change them gives you power.

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS

This doesn’t mean you can change the way you feel!!!  This also doesn’t mean you are going to forget.  We can’t always CONTROL our thoughts.  It’s not even worth trying.  But we can DIRECT and CHANGE our thoughts.  We can distract ourselves.  

This concept is SO important that we will have a blog JUST on thought patterns.  I’ve read a few books that focus on this specifically and it’s SO WORTH giving it some extra attention.  But for NOW?  When you feel yourself thinking about things that can’t be changed – TELL YOURSELF NO.  Be aware.  Think of something else … for example:

  • Remember things that were fun.  Maybe a specific event where you couldn’t stop smiling.  Remember that feeling.  Remember what made you laugh.  Remember as many details as you possibly can. (don’t get side tracked remembering that things might not be as good NOW as they were THEN.)
  • Find something lovely outside and FOCUS on it.  Look at every detail  BE CURIOUS.
  • IMAGINE!  FANTASIZE!  You’re a superhero – who are you going to save?  What has your super villain arch enemy done THIS time?
  • OR imagine you just won the lotto – what do you buy first?
  • Pray
  • Do something on the Really Long List of Things To Do
  • Tell yourself No again – and then remember something happy – remember the FEELING
  • Watch this video because it’s SO FUNNY

Create a distraction plan.

Mad Distraction Skillz #3: Create a Distraction Plan

Is there something on your plate or in your life that overwhelms you?  Be aware of it.  Decide NOW that the next time you feel yourself dwelling or spiraling because of this issue that you WILL do _________.  It doesn’t matter which technique you try.  Just pick one and try it!!  

Mad Distraction Skillz #4: LEAVE

Don’t run away from your problems but be aware when walking away from the situation until you can clear your head might be best.  If the situation involves another person, relationship guides suggest you tell the person you are going to clear your head for X amount of minutes and give them a time frame for when you will come back and discuss things.

Mad Distraction Skillz #5: Whistle While You Work

When life gets overwhelming, sometimes we let daily tasks fall behind.  It’s not that we WANT our sink to fill up with dishes, or to look in the mirror and realize it’s been WAY too long since our last eyebrow wax – but sometimes it happens.  Crossing off tasks from your to do list is AWESOME.  And cleaning can be cathartic.  AND sometimes if you attack dirt and grime and come out the WINNER?  It feels GREAT!

  • Clean your car
  • Pull weeds
  • Vacuum
  • Clean the kitchen
  • Wash blinds
  • Reorganize a shelf (any shelf)
  • Reorganize anything
  • Rearrange furniture
  • Get rid of old stuff
  • Color coordinate your closet
  • SCRUB the bathroom til it SpArKleS
  • Clean the garage
  • Sweep
  • Mop
  • Get the haircut/wax/manicure you need
  • Treat yourself to a massage
  • Wash your car
  • Mow the lawn
  • LAUNDRY
  • Homework?
  • Extra assignment from work?
  • Clean your jewelry/watches/shoes
  • Cook – then CLEAN up afterwards
  • Pay that stack of bills
  • Respond to emails
  • EXERCISE
  • Take your dogs to the park because you’ve promised them every single day that you’d go and every single day you don’t end up going… wait… haha – you don’t have to do that one.  That one was just for me. ;)

Mad Distraction Skills #6: Count Dracula

Ok so SOME of the ideas in this blog come straight from my book – and nooooo not most of them – just some of them.  And Counting?  That is DEFINITELY one of the book’s suggestions.  BBBUUUUTTTT maybe it works!  If it sounds dumb?  Try watching this youtube video first. hahahahaha.  And maybe remember while you watch it that it’s SO easy to misinterpret people and maybe a recent conversation that upset you deserves another look.  Did you give the person the benefit of the doubt?  Did you ask them to clarify?  Did you repeat what you “heard” back to them?  If not – maybe you should.  (and yes THAT stuff was all me – not the book.)  haha – I amuse myself. :)

Back to the “counting” suggestion.

  • Count your breaths – breathe slowly.
  • Count anything.  The cars passing by, the people you see, how many letter Ts are in this blog…
  • Count in increments of 7.  Go up or down the number line.
Yep – I’ve got nothing to add to that one … soo….. back to number #3.

CREATE A DISTRACTION PLAN

What are you willing to try?  Decide now and do it next time. :)  Refer back to the HUMONGOUS list of things to do if you want more ideas. :)
And next time?  We’ll cover relaxing yourself to fight anxiety.

Stress Kills: Radical Acceptance and Distraction

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Anxiety.  Stress.  We feel it.  We react.  Sometimes we react well.  YAY!  Happy days!!!  *smiley face emoticon*

But sometimes stress causes us to be overwhelmed with emotion. *frowny face emoticon*   ;)

We are overwhelmed by stress.  We react poorly.  Our emotions course through our veins, race through our minds, and/or sink into an uncomfortable pit in our stomachs and we, in a sense, lose control.  Logic flies out the window. We shut-down.  We bite back.  We avoid.  We cry.  We act in spite: spiting ourselves, our loved ones, our feelings.  Our emotions take over.  We spiral.

In my last post, we discussed Common but Self-Defeating Coping Mechanisms for Stress and detailed the negative consequences to each mechanism.   And let’s be honest – most of us have used more than one of those coping strategies on the list.  That’s why I labeled them “common”. ;)

Ok – so, sure – it’s great to acknowledge these reactions are self-defeating… and even better to acknowledge you use them. (or maybe vice versa)  But so what?  When you’re living in that moment you don’t care!!   If you DID, you wouldn’t be acting that way.  *duh*

So what can you do?  How do we fight back if, in a way, we’ve already lost control?

Distraction.

You need to distract yourself so that you can snap out of it and come back to the situation/problem/stress with a refreshed and in-control mind. :) *Big SMILE!* :) Distraction skills help you temporarily stop thinking about your stress, they help you prevent your emotions from spiraling farther and they give you time to find an appropriate reaction for your stress. :) :) *Even BIGGER Smile* :) :)

Soooo…..Make the choice NOW, that you WILL choose to distract yourself the next time you find yourself in a self-defeating reaction to stress. YAY! :)  Tell yourself NOW that no matter how convincing your irrational justifications for your behavior are, the next time you find yourself coping with stress in a self-defeating way, you WILL, even though you won’t want to, try a distracting technique.  (which btw – will be covered more in the next post)

Have you done it yet?  Have you made the choice? :) :) :)

No?  ok – well… seriously…

Do it.  *warrior face emoticon*

haha.  Just teasing.  But for REAL?  Make the decision.  NOW.  Because if you don’t do it NOW – you probably will find yourself wishing you had.

(and I wonder why my boyfriend teases me about being bossy *slanted smile emoticon*)

;)

****IMPORTANT NOTE: Please do not confuse distracting yourself with avoidance.  Distracting yourself when your emotions are overwhelming?  Good.  Avoiding?  BAD.  The difference? “When you avoid a distressing situation you choose not to deal with it.  But when you distract yourself from a distressing situation, you still intend to deal with it in the future, when your emotions have calmed down.”*****

Ok – so we understand the importance of and the “why should we?” for distraction… BUT

Before we use distracting skills we need Radical Acceptance 

Distracting yourself will never work unless you learn “Radical Acceptance”.  Radical Acceptance is accepting life for what it is – judgment free.  If you can’t accept that life IS and cannot be controlled, you are probably a control freak.  What?  You probably are!

Let’s be real.  Life cannot be controlled.  Bad things happen.  Stress happens.  And wishing something didn’t happen is ultimately a waste of your time.  When you are upset that something happened you miss the point that it DID happen and now you need to deal with it.

Let’s think about this for a second.  Do you REALLY think that being upset and angry, or wishing something didn’t happen will change the outcome of something that has already happened? Or going back to our list of Common but Self-Defeating Coping Mechanisms for Stress - will ANY of these reactions CHANGE the outcome of what lead to your stress?

If you said “yes” – you are wrong. *Playful winky emoticon*  Each of those coping mechanisms ultimately paralyze you.  You cannot move forward and change the situation when you are busy engaging in self-defeating behaviors.  You might not be able to prevent feeling angry, upset, critical and judgmental, but you can accept that dwelling on those feelings won’t help.

Feel it, acknowledge it, accept it, move forward.

Trying to fight a moment in time, that has already happened, only leads to poor reactions and more stress.

Now, of course, this doesn’t mean you have to condone or agree with bad behavior in other people.  Accepting life for what it is only encourages you to not get angry about what has already happened and to not waste time trying to point the finger.  Blame, anger and dwelling will never help!  If a situation needs to be changed – change it!! but don’t dwell on who is to blame or get caught up in being disappointed in yourself for allowing the situation to happen.

Feel it, acknowledge it, accept it, move forward.

Back to Distraction

We’re going to talk more about Radical Acceptance in future blog posts but for now … let’s get back to Distraction as a coping mechanism for stress.

Developing distraction skills are more involved than I realized at first.  It’s going to take more than one post to get through them. *sorry!!*  BUT since I promised you some distracting ideas in THIS post, I’ve included pages 15-16 from “The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook” by McKay, Wood and Brantley for you (Click the link for a pdf).  It’s called “The Big List of Pleasurable Activities” and they claim it contains a list of over 100 ideas of things to do.  But I think listing “exercise” and then 14 different ways to exercise shouldn’t be counted as 15 things to do :) so I edited the list, added a few of my own ideas and included my amended version at the bottom of this post.  Please consider doing one of these things when you start feeling yourself reacting poorly or not caring that you are upset.  YAY!!!!

(YAY that there is a list – NOT yay that you are reacting poorly)

But WAIT!  There really is more!

If looking at the list makes you think “This will never work” – bear with me ok? *hopeful smiley emoticon*  I realize this is just a LONG list of things to do.  But the fact is, doing ANYTHING to change the pace a little should help you refocus and refresh your mind.  YAY!

PLUS – we haven’t gotten to the distraction SKILLS yet! :)  That will be next time. :) My next blog will cover in-depth ideas for distracting your thoughts and I’ll also go over the book’s suggestions for relaxing and fighting anxiety.

So …

to be continued! :)

_________________________________________________

“The Big List of Pleasurable Activities” or as I like to call it, the “Things to do when you can’t think of anything else to do list” (edited by me)

  1. Talk to a friend
    1. Call
    2. Text
    3. IM
    4. Skype
    5. In person
      1. Meet up somewhere
      2. Invite your friend over
      3. Go to your friend’s
  2. Organize a party
  3. Exercise
    1. Lift weights
    2. Do yoga, tai chi, or Pilates, or take classes to learn
    3. Stretch
    4. Jog
    5. Swim
  4. Go outside
    1. Take a walk, somewhere peaceful
    2. Watch the clouds
    3. Hike
    4. Ride a bike
    5. Go to a local playground and play
    6. Any outdoor sports
    7. Play with your pet or borrow a pet
    8. Bird watch
    9. People watch
    10. Sit outside – it doesn’t really matter what you do – just go outside!!
  5. Play a game (by yourself or with someone)
    1. Solitaire
    2. Basketball
    3. Mini Golf
    4. Bowling
    5. Billiards
    6. Video Games
    7. Flag football
    8. Any game
  6. Download new apps for your phone
  7. Subscribe to a word of the day email and read them
  8. Get a massage
  9. Go for a drive
  10. Ride public transportation
  11. Plan a vacation
  12. Take a nap
  13. Eat (Hmm… I’m going to add PLEASE be careful you’re not eating emotionally)
    1. Try a new healthy snack
    2. Cook your favorite meal
    3. Bake your favorite treat
    4. Surprise someone with a treat
    5. Have a dinner party
    6. Have friends over to help you prepare a meal
    7. Cook or bake something new
    8. Teach/mentor someone younger to cook to bake
    9. Take a cooking class
    10. Go get your favorite non-alcoholic beverage
    11. Make a fruit salad bouquet (the decorative type)
    12. Invent a new smoothie combination
    13. Make hamburger cupcakes
    14. Watch a cooking show – make one of the recipes
  14. Play with a pet or borrow a pet
    1. Give the pet a bath
    2. Teach a dog a new trick
  15. Find something FUNNY
    1. Watch a movie
    2. Youtube
    3. Comics
    4. Blogs
    5. TV
    6. Websites
    7. lolcats.com
  16. Go to a movie
  17. Watch your favorite TV show
  18. Listen to the radio
  19. Go to a sporting event
  20. Google Inspirational Quotes
  21. Start a blog or website
  22. Sell something online
  23. Do a puzzle
  24. Run errands you’ve been meaning to do
  25. Get a haircut
  26. Go to a spa
  27. Do a face mask
  28. Look up local community events and go to one
  29. Volunteer for a non-profit group or political campaign
  30. Go to a library
  31. Go to a bookstore and read
  32. Visit a museum or art gallery
  33. Go to a ballet or opera
  34. Go to a play/broadway
  35. Get dolled up
  36. DANCE
  37. Pray
  38. Meditate
  39. Go to a church
  40. Write a letter to a Higher Power
  41. Call a family member
  42. Mentor/call/plan a play date with a niece, nephew or younger cousin
  43. Learn a new language
  44. Sing or learn how to
  45. Play a musical instrument (or learn)
  46. Write a song
  47. Memorize lines from a favorite movie, book, play or song
  48. Make a movie/video
  49. Take photos
  50. Edit photos
  51. Write a speech
  52. Participate in a local theater group
  53. Sing in a choir
  54. Join a club
  55. Plant a garden
  56. Knit, crochet, sew – or learn to
  57. Make a scrapbook
  58. Join pinterest
  59. Paint your nails
  60. Color your hair
  61. Take a bubble bath or shower
  62. Work on a car
  63. Housework
  64. Take a community education class
  65. Read
  66. Buy a magazine
  67. Write a letter to a friend or family member
  68. Make a list of things you like about yourself
  69. Draw or write things you like about body
  70. Write a poem, story, movie etc.
  71. Write in a journal
  72. Write a love letter
  73. Write a loving letter to yourself to save for your next bad day
  74. Make a list of things you are good at
  75. Draw
  76. Paint
  77. Snuggle with someone you care about
  78. Make a list of people you admire or want to be like – fictional, historical or someone you know.  Describe what you like about them.
  79. Write a biography or about crazy events in your life
  80. Make a bucket list
  81. Write a letter to someone who has enriched your life and explain why (you don’t need to send the letter)
  82. Mail holiday cards to those you care about for random holidays
  83. Create your own list of ‘pleasurable activities’
  84. Make a 101 in 1001 list
  85. Take a personality quiz

A new breed of exercise: Water Aerobics ;) & have you seen Barbie’s Wedding pics?

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Be honest – when you read the title “Water Aerobics” did you think of old ladies?
AP Swimmers in a water aerobics class in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Experts say aerobic exercise can help people with headaches.

Or maybe the word LAZY popped into your mind?  Followed by little snickers?  I mean for real – WHO in the world does water aerobics??  Well, well, well … Do THESE people look old and lazy to you?

Early to Rise, Early to Bed

Dog swim
I didn’t think so!

Wait a minute- those aren’t pictures of water aerobics!  Those aren’t even pictures of people!!  Those are dogs!!  Where is the picture of young, energetic people doing water aerobics?  :-0  Are you telling me such a picture doesn’t exist?  And that my next door neighbors had every right to make fun of me when I got home from water aerobics tonight?  And that you also wish you could tease me to my face because I went to water aerobics for the first time?  And you are laughing out loud because it’s only been 3 hours since I finished water aerobics and I’m already sore?

Ok.  Fair enough.

Water aerobics IS an old lady sport.

_MG_1081

An old lady sport I just discovered I LOVE!!!  YAY!!!

p.s. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Mattel announced that Barbie and Ken OFFICIALLY divorced.  Which actually wasn’t funny – it was just sad.  But what IS funny is that this brilliant photographer had them get RE-married!  AHAHAHAHAHA!  You can see more pics HERE.

Seriously brilliant.  I love that she even captured all of the cliche wedding poses.  :)  AND the latest trend to have different colored shoes!  HAHAHAHA!  I love it. :)

Btw – tonight, after water aerobics, a bug flew into MY EYE!  Siiiick.

 

 

I started teaching a church primary group – say what????

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To my seven readers, :)  3 of you already knew that I have been teaching for a few weeks now so this post comes as no shock to you – but to the rest of you?  I’m TEACHING church stuff!!  Did your jaw drop to the floor?  HAHA!  Don’t worry – it’s not like THAT.  Not like the “praise the Lord – good great sweet baby Jesus” type of church teaching – not that there would be anything wrong with that – but we all know that just isn’t me.  (btw – did any of you watch that Nascar prayer? HAHAHAHAHAHA! I know I shouldn’t laugh but HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Was he SERIOUS??  ”We thank you for the dodges and the fords… In Jesus name, bugguty bugguty” HAHAHA!  Watch it here)

No – nothing like that.  I’m just teaching a little “do service and be kind” type of stuff (which happens to be stuff I believe) to a class of 6-7 year olds and I’m only doing it because the leader in the church group I attend asked me to and much to my dismay I said yes.

Right.  Much to my dismay, I said yes. ;)

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TEACHING IN CHURCH MEANS???  It means I have to actually ATTEND church EVERY WEEK.  Pretty clever of that bishop if you ask me.  ;)  My attendance in church has been NON-EXISTENT for TEN YEARS!  Which probably makes you want to ask, “Why in the world did a bishop of a church group ask you to teach a class of 6-7 year olds if you’ve been agnostic for most of the last ten years?”  Well… that’s a good question. :)  But since you didn’t raise your hand … ;) just kidding.  I’m not very good at enforcing the kids to raise their hands in class either.  But that’s because they’re TERRIFIED of me.  HAHAHAHA!  Just kidding again.  Man I’m a riot tonight! ;)  No but for REAL??

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. ;)

OOORRRRR maybe I’ve been studying a lot about why religion can be good over the past year so I’m not such a terrible choice. ;)  It was probably time I looked a little more closely at the “cup half full” side of it.  I HAVE spent countless years studying about how horrid organized religion is – and although I retain my opinions on the dangers of organized religion – I believe my current church participation doesn’t encroach on these firmly held beliefs about religions in general.  And I think being a responsible church goer means being aware of the good AND the bad of a religion.  But that’s not a blog topic for today – or for any other day because it’s SO LONG AND EXTRA EXTRA BORING!!!

But yeah … the short of it is that he had his reasons for asking and I had my own for saying yes. :)  And I think I am going to enjoy this new adventure: teaching little, incredibly bossy, CANNOT SIT STILL, or listen to a word I’m saying, kids about being kind.

 

Reframing – and my dog is a drug addict.

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ok so look – I know I said the next blog was going to be about the value trifecta but I changed my mind.  :) If I waited until that blog was ready – I wouldn’t blog for a LONG time.  And then I just read Vanessa’s blog about Dog Soup, and yes it was made with REAL DOGS siiiiiick (but for realz – go read it!!! I laughed OUT LOUD) and I remembered that I once said I would NEVER eat cow tongue – NEVER EVER EVER!!!!

But then HE happened:

And I DID eat it because you see that guy above?  I fell in love with him.  And he lived in Honduras for a few years and he said, “Trust me – it’s good.”  So I did.

And I liked it.

siiiiiick

But I really did like it – which is still siiiiiick but when cooked correctly – very succulent!  ;)  But ANYWAY life is unpredictable and you never know when you might change your perspective – so…. what I really want to talk about today is CHANGE.  :)

Reframing – a necessary tool

Reframing has been one of, if not THE biggest factor in my ability to accept, change and move forward.  It allows you (or me! YAY!) to change your ENTIRE pattern of thinking without feeling like a poser  ;) It lets you save face – *YAY* – and it lets you stay true to your values even while changing your mind on big issues.  And the best part!!!  If you are logical and keep an open heart and mind, reframing can create change or at least cause ripples immediately.

p.s. I MAY have thrown in a few confessions here and there to keep this post spicy.  ;)  So back to blogging …

WHAT IS REFRAMING?

  • Wikipedia “…reframing a situation or context, thus sees a situation in another frame. A frame can refer to a belief, what limits our view of the world. If we let this limiting belief go, new conceptions and interpretation possibilities can develop...”
  • Changingminds.org “..A frame, or ‘frame of reference’ is a complex schema of unquestioned beliefs, values and so on that we use when inferring meaning. If any part of that frame is changed (hence ‘reframing’), then the meaning that is inferred may change.”
  • NLP Reframing “…Changing the frame of an experience can have a major influence on how you perceive, interpret and react to that experience.”
  • On a simpler note – reframing can be as simple as understanding that “truth” with a lower case t, CAN have more than one side.  And just because you experience or perceive ONE truth – it doesn’t mean there can’t be an equally compelling truth if you look at the situation from another direction.

Btw – Chloe – my dog who is a bumbly bear – hurt her leg and was limping a lot.  So I took her into the vet.

She’s now on drugs.

BENEFITS OF REFRAMING:

  • Allows acceptance
  • Allows forgiveness
  • Creates a new reality
  • Has life-changing potential
  • And I think Chloe is now a drug addict. :-|

EXAMPLE

The other night she kept looking at me with her happy smile.

Pant, pant, pant, puppy eyes, smile, pant pant pant.  I couldn’t figure out what she wanted!! I said, “Show me” and she lead me into the kitchen…. uh oh – the kitchen?  This had trouble written ALL over it.

I went to the treat jar – no no – she didn’t want that.  SHE – piggy of all piggies!!! – WALKED AWAY FROM THE TREAT JAR!!  So I asked if she wanted to go outside – she took two MORE steps back and sat down with stubborn determination.  She was NOT going to go outside.

Pant pant pant.  More puppy eyes.  SMILE!!!  WAG WAG!

“Chloe bear – WHAT do you want?”

WAG WAG WAG WAG WAG WAG WAG WAG – she went back to where the treat jar was  - and that’s when I noticed.  Her pain pills were sitting RIGHT next to the treat jar. *oh boy* My dog wanted drugs.  My dog is a drug addict. ***SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS!!!***  Well – ok – maybe it’s only *mostly shocking* she is a little chubby wubby lazy bear – it doesn’t surprise me TOO much that she likes a lil something something extra to help her stay EXTRA lazy.  ;)

OK!!!! BACK TO REFRAMING!!! Though you will find that I tie my confessional of Chloe back into reframing in a bit but for now – If you want a great life changing personal example of how a bloggy friend/reader helped ME reframe – I’d recommend reading the following posts – I went from feeling like an utter failure with every reason (in my mind) to logically believe so – to just days later understanding that there was another side and that I may have been too hard on myself.  ALL FROM THE HELP OF ONE COMMENT!!!! Sure I still feel like a failure on many levels – just not the same ones.  :)

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

This quote … depresses me because it screams at me, “YOU ARE A FAILURE!”  A complete and pathetic failure with no backbone and no sense of identity.  (Read more if you want)

I remember, at the age of 25, when I went to see a psychiatrist.

“What can I help you with Daisy?”

“I don’t know who I am, what I want from life, or what I like.”

He looked at me with surprise.  He and I had met before. …. He had always believed I was very self-assured, confident and independent.  How could I not know myself?  (Read more about my search for identity AND find suggestions to help you find out more about your OWN self :) YAY! )

“This sort of relates more to your last post, but I think maybe you’re failing to recognize that the fact that you didn’t just allow everyone who was trying to make you conform means that you actually WERE “finding yourself” all of…” (read the rest) and Thanks again Phoebe!!!

…Is it possible that I’m not such a failure after all?…although I may not have known my mind completely – I was learning what I didn’t like.  :)  I did play along with “THEM” and played the part – but I suppose I never really conformed did I?… Maybe I need to have a little more faith in myself.  :)  I never conformed in my heart.  Never.  And looking at the circumstances I pushed through – I feel safe to say I never will.

And back to Chloe, the drug addict.

MAYBE – just maybe – she’s NOT a drug addict.  MAYBE – just maybe – she likes the cream cheese I wrap her pills in.  AAANNNDDDD  Maybe – just maybe ;) I might have discovered, after testing, she is equally happy with a tiny dab of cream cheese as she is with a pain pill wrapped in cream cheese.

So in conclusion.  :) Reframing – keeping an open mind – looking for another side or being willing to hear another side – continually giving the “benefit of the doubt” and actively searching for ways to confirm this benefit of the doubt you gave - INCLUDING GIVING THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT TO YOURSELF (and Chloe) – this may not seem like much. But I promise you:

Reframing has the power to permenantly change a frown upside down and to help you accept (yourself or others), forgive (yourself or others), move forward, and provide new realities that might unlock a newer, happier you.

Please feel free to email if you have questions or would like more information.  Daisy@australiandaisy.com or watch for upcoming installments on areas of life that might benefit from reframing.  And as said before – watch for an upcoming post on Humility! :)

Oh! Oh! AND I’m GOING TO WASHINGTON D.C. for the first time :) TO CELEBRATE JULY 4, 2011 with my honey!!!!!

Please wish me SAFE TRAVELS!!! :)  YAY!!!

And I wish those of you in the United States a

VERY HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

I’ll post pictures upon return.  :)

Washington Monument - Washington D.C.

My heart’s a stereo – and I’m going to start sharing “deep stuff” ;)

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It is trite and dramatic to mention my entire world has changed over the past 8 months; of course it has!  Hasn’t everyone’s?  How can you LIVE and love and not change or grow? But yet I find myself wanting to say it!

I have changed.  I am changed.

I am also Queen of the Obvious!

But there!  I said it – I got it out of the way.  We can move forward.  :)  haha – ok I’m not like COMPLETELY changed.  My sense of humor is still about the same.  :)  which let’s be real – that is a HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!!!!!

YAY!!!!!

You see, I LOVE to laugh and I think I’m funny.  So the fact that I STILL think I’m funny?!?!!  Wahoo!!   :)  :)

Anyway I’m only mentioning this because I’ve done moderately well at being “adjusted” despite my – umm – well – my life.  I’ve tried to maintain a happy perspective, I’ve worked at being optimistic and I’ve NEVER taken the “why me?” attitude; though I have most certainly wondered about the purpose of life.  But I’ve adjusted; I’ve adapted.   I’m still here and most days I’m still laughing.  :)

Up until recently I didn’t want to really admit or fully accept that my past IS my past.  Ok – I still don’t.  I HATE what’s happened.  I hate the fact that SO MUCH has happened.  There has been so much heart ache, so much loss, so many tears and so much FEAR.  I hate WHY things have happened.  I hate the parts I played in  making some of it happen.  And I hate the parts that I couldn’t prevent from happening.  But now I’m willing to admit what I’ve gained from it.  And that is a WHOLE LOT!!!!

I am *willing* to appreciate this acquired knowledge from those experiences I didn’t want.  Yes, “willing.”   It’s not like I didn’t  recognize what I learned, but I resented it in many, many ways.  The resentment is going, if not gone, and I am now grateful for the perspectives, attitudes, insights and wisdom I have taken away from it all.  It gives me hope, and takes away some of the despair.

“We who have lived in anguish for so long have discovered a way to live in serenity, one day at a time, and our greatest joy is to share this way of life with others.” – As we understood p. 231.

I don’t think I’ll ever look back at my story without grimacing or frowning; without getting frustrated, being disappointed, and crying.  But at least now I can be grateful for the things I am able to understand because of my trials.  The difference between then and now is that I’m ready to share what I’ve discovered about hope, communication, accountability, self-esteem, acceptance, faith, humility and courage.

So that’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to start sharing.  I hope it helps someone.  :)

 

My next blog will be on the value trifecta – humility, honesty and courage but IN THE MEANTIME!!!! :)  Let me share with you my new favorite-est-est-est song!!!  I’ve mentioned that my BF and I have a soundtrack of US.  This song makes it on the list.  The lyrics ring true in my heart.  I love J, and I WOULD carry him around even if he were an old school 50lb boombox, and I’d hold him on my shoulder wherever I walked, and turn his volume up  in front of the cops, and crank it higher every time they told me to stop. hee hee ;)  Yes – My heart’s a stereo.

 

 

The 7 Layer Bean Dip That’s Better Than Hers – RECIPE

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Soooo… my boyfriend is a huge sports fan.  Loves to play, loves to watch, loves to talk SPORTS.   Sports, sports, sports, sports!

Hip hip hooray!

I’ve never dated a guy who is super duper into sports and none of my 3 brothers or dad are into sports.  So the past 8 months have been quite the sports cultural experience!  I’m learning all sorts of things.  Like who the sexiest hottest players in the NBA are and oh wait *blush* I meant hot as in “on fire” and have a great shooting average!!  ;) and the difference between a flagrant and a team foul.  :)  YAY!

I’ve also learned that girls like to try and use sports as a way to request time with my boy. HAHA!   That’s cool with me.  :)  The more the merrier!  I love playing hostess!!  :) YAY! And what’s better than making new friends?  Double yay!

HAHAHAHA!  I guess I misunderstood.  Apparently, watching a sports game with a single attractive male is secret girl code for “I have a crush on you” and watching a sports game with a boy and making him BEAN DIP is secret girl code for “I want you to fall madly in love with me”.  Who knew?

Anyway – you can imagine my surprise when the BF introduced me to a fellow “sports fan” who couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with me and then – wait what?  Oh no you didn’t.  Bean dip?  Did you seriously just invite my boyfriend to come over and watch an NBA playoffs game at your house – alone – so that he could have your amazing bean dip?  And you did this IN FRONT OF ME??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh sweetheart – first off, my boyfriend doesn’t play that way and *happy sigh* how great was it when he said, “Well, you could for sure come down and watch the game with us sometime.  That’d be fun!” to your invitation?  It was pretty great.  Secondly, although I AM impressed by your wikipedia memorization skills when it comes to the NBA – my boyfriend loves teaching me about sports and thought it was cute that it took me 10 tries before I remembered the correct way to pronounce Niwitski, and lastly, by mentioning your AMAZING bean dip all you did was encourage me to learn to make a better, yummier, and better looking bean dip than yours.  ;)

So – I guess thanks are in order.

Thanks for the idea!!!  The BF LOOOOOOOVVVVEEEEDD it!!!

But for real – he did.  :)  YAY!!!!  I love being his girlfriend.  <3<3<3  It’s my favorite!!

7 layer Bean Dip

  • 2/3 can of black refried beans
  • Salsa
  • Chunked, grilled chicken (about 2 cups)
  • Shredded Cheese
  • Sour Cream
  • Guacamole
  • Chopped Tomato
  • Sliced Olives (1 can)
  • 8×8 or there about container.
  1. Microwave the beans and then add an equal part of Salsa, stir it up, cover and set aside.
  2. Heat up the chicken.
  3. Smooth the bean/salsa mixture on the bottom of your container (it should still be warm)
  4. Distribute the chicken evenly over the beans
  5. Cover with shredded cheese
  6. Smooth over a thin layer of sour cream
  7. Smooth over a thin layer of guacamole
  8. Sprinkle diced/chopped tomato on guacamole
  9. Sprinkle sliced olives over tomatoes

Serve right away with chips!  YUM!!!

 

Spring has SPRUNG!

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I love summer.  I ADORE Fall.  I hate winter and I am always excited for Spring!!!  YAY!!!  This year our spring came early but also very timidly.  It’s often chilly.  We decided to make the most of our lovely Spring Saturday by – well – springing!  ;)

AAANNNDDD playing.  :)

I love my nieces!!!!  And I consider myself the luckiest aunt in the world because they love me too!!  :)

YAY!!!  And now – on to my new favorite spring song – which just so happens to fit perfectly in line with springing and being sprung.  Please enjoy Ingrid Michaelson’s “Parachute”.  :)  I could listen to this song all day.  <3 heart my boy <3

TMI: Orange – yellow and red

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Today I leaned over my bathroom sink and – before I go any further I should warn you that what I’m about to tell you is kind of gross – but not like disgusting – just gross as in the kind of gross you totally want to share, but only with your brothers.

Yeah like that.

ORANGE.  That’s what dripped into my sink.  FROM MY NOSE!  Orange.  I couldn’t even prevent it.  I have such a terrible sinus infection that puss is literally pouring from my sinuses.  yeah.  It’s THAT kind of sick.  I’m THAT kind of sick/ill.  And I think I’ve just changed my mind.  It is pretty disgusting.

Siiiiiiick.

In other news, I also have bronchitis, pharyngitis and a double ear infection.  Lucky me!

Oh hello there!  What?  Oh you said yellow?  Yellow to you too!  And no I’m not doing too fine today.  I’m a little blue.  But orange you glad I didn’t say goodbye?

Why yes.  Yes I am.

Dr. Dre vs. Lady Gaga: Instant Immersion in Ghettospeak

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My mom speaks a few foreign languages:  twitter, text-talk, file-sharing, Facebook, Emoticons and Pretend Ghettospeak.  She’s only fluent in Emoticons – the rest she speaks with an ultra-conservative-mom-from-the-fifties accent.  And the first time she threw down a “True that” for me I laughed so hard I didn’t know if I’d stop.  *hee hee*

Anyway – My mom is pretty rad.  :)

Today’s story happened over the weekend.  We were driving along and “I love it when they call me big poppa” started playing on the radio and I had to make a choice.  Change it because I’m in the car with my MOM!  Or leave it and see what my mom thinks.  I hesitated.  The song is about “Seeing some ladies who should be having my babies” and yeah … that’s when I noticed my cute mom tapping her leg to the beat.

*Pause while I play the memory back in my mind. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!*

Needless to say, I left it on the hip hop station. When a lil Jeremih feat 50 Cent came on she asked, “This is hip hop right?” and that’s when I knew.

My mom was attempting to refresh her Pretend Ghettospeak with a bit of instant immersion into hip hop.  Something she, before this weekend, couldn’t fully distinguish from pop or rap.

Yes – I said “before this weekend” because AS OF TODAY my mom not only has opinions on hip hop, pop and rap but can tell the difference.  *big cheesy smile*

Her verdict?

Pop is ok.  Lady Gaga wasn’t particularly impressive.  But HIP HOP??  Now THAT is something that makes you want to shake.

Yes that’s right.  My mom has good taste.  And you should be even MORE impressed that her verdict came while listening to Dr. Dre’s “Kush” (but she listened to the edited version.)  She said that hip hop, more than pop, really makes you want to “shake” and then she asked me if “shake” was the right word.

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!